Why Bother?

There are many reasons (even scientific ones!), to build up your gratitude muscles. Somehow telling people they will be happier and live longer doesn’t always sit well with them, as it may seem like a pie in the sky and a bit of an un-obtainable scenario in life, especially when you are trying to meet the needs of many at any one given moment when you have  a family. This is particularly challenging when life throws you curve balls every… step… of… the… way… (or perceived curve balls anyway… funny I’m using an American term, which I have no relation to, but it works - maybe I should use boomerang instead hmmm. Ok let that thought go I got distracted already!).

So time for a bit of an introduction. 

I am me.

Generally speaking I go by the name of Maria (Gandzia ‘Ganja’ for family and old family friends – not a long story, but pointless in writing it out and fun to keep you guessing) Most people I interact with call me mama or mum for short. These key four people I gave birth to and I seem to be doing an alright job of keeping them alive, with medium to minimal psychological and physical damage. Meaning, they are still alive! Considering every plant I had as a child died, I’m pretty chuffed from the outcome so far. Otherwise I am wifey to one, sister to a few and friend to less, but have befriended many along the way.

It may seem odd to those of you who know or have known me (man I am having heart palpitations as I let the fingers do the work so I don’t stop myself from saying anything, so I can be open and honest as much as I can), but I struggle to connect. Yep, especially to those closest to me, which finds me constantly thinking what I could have done better, what I still need to do to feel worthy of being a mum, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend… and just me. When I put it down on paper it seems so glaringly obvious that it is just the issue of being present – good luck with that one! I say to myself as I step into the kitchen every morning to face the day of:

- cranky almost teenager because we have healthy food in the house she doesn’t want to take to school,

- upset tweener because the older one was cranky and resulted in her being not so nice to her, 

- crying boy (who always says I told you! Which I’m pretty sure he is mixing up with what he is thinking, but he is very clear that he is thinking a lot because I get told not to interrupt his ‘very many thinking’ these days, but we still don’t know why he is crying – my bet is he has found this technique to cut through the other kids to get his portion of attention),

- and the smallest but loudest child that is only just starting to discover words but finds shrieking for what she desires much more effective. 

To be very clear, I’m usually just listening, or trying to coach the children into reasoning and kind voices and tones (sometimes… actually many times you can see the steam coming out of my ears and I might resort to scream coaching on occasion, which of course coincides with my menstrual cycle and is coupled with a big dose of a spike in my sleep deprivation cycle – much less these days I have to admit but still happens) while my husband does the leg work of preparing breakfast that half the time only he eats. I’m not doing it alone. My husband takes a large brunt of the work before and after his ‘paid’ work. 

Now lets drop in a little deeper – I have been painfully aware (working on the not suffering through it bit) for a while now, that it is very likely at least some of this (or more likely most - agh!), is related to my lack of being present and always looking at what needs to be done, hasn’t been done, do, do, do, do… my own surliness, frustration and resentment… for example -  that I haven’t been able to hang up the washing without being interrupted for the past 13 years, let alone anything outside home duties, overwhelm and… voila! I have created 4 young and energetic mirrors that are mimicking it back to me… ouch!

So without further ado, here is why I am bothering with this project, and please join me as it is always more fun with company.

If I help myself be more content in life, my children, to some extent will magically, by osmosis do the same and life will be, well doable at the least! If this is something I can share with them, then I am all for it. The alternative of watching the discontent in my children and the suffering they self inflict and  hold on to so tightly, that they get stuck there sometimes, is one of the biggest pains a mother can have. 

So I’m learning how to let go and focus on the good stuff, so my children can too.

Just to be very clear, I think that children naturally have and exude gratitude, and we have it to, especially when we are in nature. We just need to connect back into it and change the conversation we have with oneself. This I know, because that is where I find myself at peace with everyone, no matter what the time of the month. It’s actually resulted in a book of gratitude verses for children (which is well and truly on its way to publishing, so please watch this space). The book is the product of the universes round about way to push and prod my stubborn self into consciously exploring the space of gratitude from a parents, or adults point of view – hence the project as a by product of the book… I know it’s usually the other way around, but what can I say… it’s happening this way for me. Many roads lead to Rome right!

So here we go beautiful people. Lots of love to you all, past present and future ones too!

MaMa’T